Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
