Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
