Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize