you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
