maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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