I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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