if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
