somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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