I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
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I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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