My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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