I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
