I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
