Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just googled if crying burns calories
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
