The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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