when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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