So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize