Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
