i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
