there's paper in my vomit.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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