Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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