I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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