He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
