go do what you do best...puke behind churches
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
