he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Shame - the story of my life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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