Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
