Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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