if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
