would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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