so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
