Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So much rum. So many feels.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
