Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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