Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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