Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
