She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
NoShamevember. You game?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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