it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
