I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
