yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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