if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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