Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
