Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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