how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
