Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
