tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
