i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
