Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
