she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
