Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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