I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
