I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
