When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
