tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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