This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
