I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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