Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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