Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
