im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
