wrigley field is MILF paradise
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let's get the cat blown out
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