i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
