Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
