Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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