I need help removing her.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
