So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
