I have demons in me.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
