get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
