Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
